The unexpected cost of cruising

Here we are back on land. While many of you may be following our blog to hear of our magnificent adventures, and that has been our main purpose in writing, we decided we would also like to share with you our struggles and some of the super crappy stuff we also get to deal with. Like our current situation.

Last summer, before we launched on our big sailing adventure, we got mixed reactions from family and friends about our decision to drop everything and sail away. While most people were enthusiastic and even envious, we also were scolded by some for being “irresponsible”, and some people were concerned with our sanity and safety since at the time of our departure we barely knew how to sail. These were all normal reactions that we mostly expected. One reaction we did not expect, however. When one family member found out about our plans things changed drastically. We suddenly were no longer allowed to keep our yurt and belongings on her property (where it has been for the last four years with the understanding that it and we could stay there indefinitely). We had our wedding here, and it has been a safe and beautiful refuge for us for a long time. In fact, part of the reason we even decided that we could go on this trip at all is because we were able to keep our yurt and belongings somewhere and have them to return to when we got back. Our trip was viewed as abusing our privilege of being able to use the land. In hindsight if we had given her lots of money before we left, we probably wouldn’t have been kicked off, but honestly who knows. There of course were other complex factors at hand, but this is the simplest explanation.

The cost of our trip in U.S. dollars is one thing, but the loss of family land and a family relationship is incalculable. The price of our trip turns out to be much higher than ever expected.

So now we are coming back to a very difficult situation. The disappointment and shock of this loss is beyond words, and the complication and magnitude of moving not only our stuff but also several buildings is daunting.

The two main options we have at this point are to sell the yurt and most of the rest of our belongings and reinvest in a bigger boat to continue living on and cruising with, or to move the yurt and our stuff to another piece of land in Massachusetts where we have the option of living, or at least storing our yurt until we decide we want to live in it again. We are torn. Our re-entry to land has been rough and everything feels too complicated and busy compared to our life on the water. We are missing the water enormously and it just feels “wrong” to be away from the sea. We feel a bit like fish out of water here now. Even though we love our friends in New England and it is a charming, lovely place to be; now it feels extremely land locked for us salty sailors.

One thing that we have learned and are experiencing acutely right now, is that every decision is a compromise. We kept hearing people say that about boats, for example the decision to have a boat with a shallow draft has advantages but it is also a compromise in other ways, like losing performance when beating to windward. Our decision to go sailing this past year has brought us priceless experiences, and yet there is also a price to be paid for our decision. And so it goes.

– Capt’n K & Lala

13 thoughts on “The unexpected cost of cruising

  1. Joss

    Nothing you decide will be a sell-out.
    You have so many of us who support you, even from afar.
    Go with your hearts and desires!

    Reply
  2. s/v Gemini Dreams

    I didn’t tell the parents, I thought it better they think we moved to Florida and were unemployed. So far it has been.

    #1 You guys know my vote. “what ever makes you happy” Life is too short to live for others. Life is too short to live up to others expectations. But, alas, all gypsies though out time have been ridiculed and ran out of town. It is time for a margarita and discussion, maybe even a couple days apart before making the decision. I’ll leave it at this… go back on my blog to June 12th and read the lyrics. It is about getting older (fitting for a birthday post).

    To paraphrase the song “We continue to waste our time doing the same old thing all the time, and no one tells you any different since they are dong the same old thing all the time. When you realize what it is you want you can never get the time you lost back”

    #2 If you are planning on children do you believe the public education is the best route? Do you believe the adventure or stability is the best childhood?

    Love you guys, tough decision, good luck.
    Wes

    If you always do what you always did you will alway get what you always got.

    Reply
  3. Aaron

    I want to offer you two possible places where you could set up the yurt. One is a piece of land I own in Chesterfield NH. This 4 acre plot of land is on a class 6 road that abutts conservation land on all sides. It’s the northern terminus of the ridge which Tianna’s house is on. The other is here at Brookwood. Let me know if you are interested.

    Reply
  4. Erin Altschule

    I am so sorry (I must have sounded so callous when we spoke)! Your yurt is (one of your) homes and I am realizing how difficult it is too pull up those roots. I didn’t mean to take it lightly. I didn’t realize that this was the circumstance behind you moving your yurt. Please let us know how we can help. Trust your instincts. You are always welcome at our place. We are trying to figure out where our place is as well. I think we need fire for Summer Solstice.

    Reply
  5. Richard Coe

    Life is full of hard choices. Do what in your heart you want. If you don’t you,ll always look back and wonder what if. Your Mother will come around eventually.You have to live your life for you, not for others. I lived aboard my Morgan for years and loved it, but it is not cheap! Go for it!

    Reply
  6. Creature

    Greetings Capt K and Lala!

    A Creature asked me to pass this message onto you:

    ———–
    Are there only 2 options: to sell out or play it safe?
    hmmmmm……..i challenge you both to find space for more.

    besides that i have to say that i like what you said: every decision is a compromise. it is that way for the family too…..their decision to “weed” you out of the garden will leave them without chance to witness and be a part of the watering of the lush, lovely and unique flowers that you both are reaching towards blossoming into.

    unfortunately not every flower will blossom where it is planted
    BUT
    fortunately most weeds are just misplaced flowers!

    so blossom wherever you are!

    and forgive those that know not what they are missing out on because of their own pain. grieve the loss of those whom you love and try to remember them fondly, even if they have hurt you.

    remember: hurt people hurt people. so heal yourself.

    maybe next season they will choose to recognize the medicinal value in such creatures as yourselves and long for the healing that comes from your presence. but maybe not.

    keep your heart warm.
    ———-
    this is what the Creature said.

    Reply
  7. Pam

    First I would like to say welcome home! I am so glad you made it safely.
    As for your situation I would advise to take advantage of Aaron’s offer and settle down from your journey for a while. Think things through, pros and cons. Don’t run with your emotions all tangled up right now, you could make some serious mistakes. You planned this trip and you did it well. Your Mom is just hurt and is having troubles dealing with it. Give her some time. If she sees your yurt come down, she may think twice what she has said.
    This is what God calls “Free will” He lets us choose for ourselves. We must be wise, and think it through. Get your yurt some place where you and Lita can rest a couple of months and during that time talk about what you want.

    Remember, your trip was a fantasy that most people don’t get. The real world is not a fantasy, but can be close to it if you know how to deal with the challenges you face in it. Who wouldn’t want to live like you two did for the last 6 months…DA! But reality is that you have to come back to the real world sooner or later and especially if you have children. You can always visit your fantasy. Don’t run from your problems it would be a bad habit to get into. Face them.

    The right thing to do is not always the easiest thing to do.

    If you decide to take your yurt and move, talk to your mother and let her know. If she is still stubborn, be the bigger person and say I love you anyways Mom!
    Don’t argue and say cruel things, don’t bring yourself to her level. Try to bring her to your level. If it fails you did your best so don’t point the finger at her cause when you do there are 4 fingers pointing back at you. Just leave peacefully and graciously. In time things may change your relationship.
    You still have one another.
    Love you both and will be praying for you both.

    Reply
  8. Debbie McIntosh

    Follow your heart. Do what you fill is best. As parents we may get upset with their decisions but we are always there for them. At least I am with my kids. I really admire and give you both lots of credit for what you have done And I look forward to hearing further adventures and where they may lead you. Life is to short enjoy it while you can.

    Take Care,
    Deb

    Reply
  9. Cheryl

    Parents often see their children as extensions of themselves and sometimes forget that their children’s life and decisions are their own. I hope the relationship will mend someday.
    Whether you get a bigger boat and sail away in a new direction or stay on land, will be a decision that is not made lightly. The years tick by, health problems can arise, so many things start getting in the way. My vote is to make a change now, while you are still young. You will have time to put down roots on land later, if you decide that’s what you want to do.
    Good Luck sorting everything out. You’re not alone with this struggle.

    Reply
  10. Jerry

    So sorry to hear of the family problems. My advice is for both parties to come to an understanding and acceptance of the situation on both sides of the divide. Being a parent my self I won’t contribute to my child’s “irresponsible” behavior. It is possible his mom feels this way and allowing the yurt to remain on the property is an enabling act that contributes to “irresponsible” behavior. The relationship needs to be healed and quickly. If you have children she is the grandmother and as such is a bearer of tradition and continuity. I’m not saying to give up on your dream, heck, the wife and I are sailors nearing retirement and will sail off into the sunset, so I understand your desires. I still hear rudder whispers. Good luck, Jerry.

    Reply
  11. Pam

    Simple advise.
    Settle down for a while and list your options and the pros and cons.
    Don’t make a decision out of anger, or hurt feelings.
    Choose wisely.

    Talk about it a lot with each other, being careful that you don’t say what you think your partner wants to hear. Be honest with each other.
    God Speed

    Reply
  12. Janae

    Dave and I are both sorry to hear about everything going on for you in New England. I hope that you two are able to come to a conclusion that will make you both happy and healthy. After all, that’s all that matters.

    The only thing I’m going to say otherwise, is this; you two said it yourselves, you felt more happy and alive in your boat on the oceans than ever before. I think you two were made for this. You have a home here waiting for you, ready to take you wherever you want to go. You can make a life of this, not just a lifestyle. It doesn’t have to be forever, but it can be as long as it makes you happy. Follow your hearts!

    Love to you both!

    Reply
  13. Chuck

    Funny,
    The decision is simple…sail.
    I spent 6 years at sea when I was younger, I have spent the last 30yrs unhappy, unsettled, and full or regret. Now at 45 I see that what I really was, was homesick for the ocean. One another and freedom is all anyone needs. You will choose the right thing to do.
    Good Luck my friends.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *